(This post started here and will end ridiculously)
To quickly recap, I recently found myself pondering the deeper facets of life and the universe. The budding Friedrich Nietzsche inside of me was twisting and turning, unable to rest. The ultimate question in question? If I could buy anything, and I mean anything, what expensive things would I buy? The list continues…
4. A $20,000 .mp3 player
The TrexStor i.Beat Organix .mp3 player is the geek’s ultimate bling. Adorned in 18-karat gold and 63 one-karat diamonds. Its wrist strap is made from aquamarine jewels and admittedly I don’t know what those are, but I want them. I can just imagine running into an iPod user on the street. Our conversation would go something like this:
iPod guy: Awesome, my iPod just shuffled to REO Speedwagon’s “Keep On Loving You!”
Me: My iPod is covered in diamonds.
iPod guy: …(cries)
I used to be an Apple fanboy but Apple just doesn’t seem to have class anymore. I don’t even think they have a product with gold or diamonds. Then again, Steve Jobs isn’t necessarily known to be an innovative thinker so I won’t be too hard on him.
All the same, Apple will be lucky to have even 5% of the .mp3 market in 5 years with jewel-encrusted devices like the i.Beat Organix on the rise.
5. The New York Yankees
The Yankees are America’s team and I love America so much that I would buy them in blink of a George W. Bush eyelid if I had the chance. I also love baseball and Coney dogs. Completely justified purchase, no doubt.
First order of business with George Steinbrenner out the door and the kid-phenom at the helm (that’s me, by the way), would be to replace those outdated pinstriped jerseys with American flag-inspired gear. A prototype of the new pants already exists.
Second order of business… sign Air Bud* to a lucrative contract. Air Bud brings marketing power and raw talent to the team.
Third order of buisness… trade A-Rod and Andy Petite to the Minnesota Twins for Nick Punto.
Then… sit back, eat 6 Coney dogs, and enjoy the game.
That’s all the time I have for today! I’ll leave you with another one of my favorite quotes, this time from Nietzsche himself: “Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” Definitely, especially if you are super rich and can buy happiness. Tune in next time, world.
*Buddy the Wonder Dog, a.k.a. Air Bud, died 10 years ago this February but was father to dozens of healthy pups who have become famous actors themselves. With the world hanging on every one of my words right now, I’d would like to take this opportunity to pay my respects to Buddy; An inspiration to an entire generation, he is loved and missed everyday.